Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize