I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
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