I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize