some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
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I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
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Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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