yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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