It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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