"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
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