Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
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