I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize