i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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