our cab driver is having phone sex.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
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I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
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I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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