She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
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I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
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We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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