I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
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I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
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Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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