I wish my penis had an off switch
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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