I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize