We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
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Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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