im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize