hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
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after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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