We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
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i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
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I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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