And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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