Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
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I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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