I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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