you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
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And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
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I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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