My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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