Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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