Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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