I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
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yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
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I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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