She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
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Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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