Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
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she said she was living bicuriously through me.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
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He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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