There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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