I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
