found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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