so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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