I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize