I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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