If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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