u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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