I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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