She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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