So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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