I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
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1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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