if only i could text you this smell
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
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She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
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I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
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