When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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