Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize