Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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