I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize