Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Even my vagina gasped.
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The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
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Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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