I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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