Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Come see our sink grown plant.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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