he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
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That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
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I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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